our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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