apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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