smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
time to smoke my breakfast
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
