is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
