if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
