i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
