Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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