Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
