Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
