I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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