Do vagina's smell?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
