I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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