Just cropdusted the office
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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