You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
