New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
