I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
