I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
