I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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