i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
