I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
