You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Randomize
