Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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