there was a trapeze. enough said
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
