Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
