She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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