If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
