I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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