Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
