I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
