Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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