Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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