My room smells like vodka and shame
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
