I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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