Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
