upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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