Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
