last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
