He is such a slut. More and more my type.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
