my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
