Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
