Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
