White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
