I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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