I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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