It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
