So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
