Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
