you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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