My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
