eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
